


Right Here

by MyChemicalRachel



Series: Right Here, Right Now [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mostly it's just friends, Pre-Slash, Takes place after Eddie Begins, but there are definitely hints of more, so be aware that it's pretty fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23764378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyChemicalRachel/pseuds/MyChemicalRachel
Summary: After narrowly avoiding death and being buried alive, Eddie has a question for Buck.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Right Here, Right Now [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731556
Comments: 16
Kudos: 452





	Right Here

He can’t sleep.

Even if he could, he’s not sure he would want to.

Everytime he closes his eyes, he sees Eddie; covered in mud, buried in the sodden earth, alone and scared. He sees himself digging, screaming, trying to reach him. Trying to let him know he wasn’t alone, that Buck was right there, that he’d always been _right there_.

If the memories are hitting him this hard while he’s awake, Buck knows that sleep is a long way off. He makes himself some tea and settles into the couch, preparing for a long night.

He flips through channels and turns on the Xbox, only to turn it off again a few minutes later. He scrolls aimlessly through Netflix and starts shows he can’t focus enough attention on, then starts the whole searching process over, trying to find something else to watch. Something to occupy his mind so he isn’t thinking so damn much.

It’s not until a knock sounds for the second time that it earns Buck’s attention. A brief, fleeting acknowledgement; someone is here. And just as quickly, it’s dismissed; someone is here and if he ignores them, they’ll go away. He settles back, sips his tea, and starts another show.

He’s almost forgotten it completely when the door opens, and that sound warrants a lot more attention than just a knock. He tries to remember coming home; He’s fairly certain he locked the door. Even in his mechanical state, it’s habit. And that means that whoever is here has a key.

He waits, head inclined toward the entrance.

“Buck?”

He blinks. “Eddie?” Buck is on his feet before Eddie even rounds the corner. At first he thinks he must be imagining it-- maybe he fell asleep after all and this is just a dream. But Eddie hesitates in the entryway and the pause gives Buck enough clarity of mind to realize it’s not a dream.

“What are you doing here?” Buck demands. He starts forward just as Eddie does, and they both freeze again. “Come in here. Sit down. What are you doing here?” he asks again. He shoves the remote and Xbox controller off onto the floor and ushers Eddie to take a seat on the couch. “You should be resting. You look like hell.”

Eddie grimaces, but laughs nonetheless. “You should talk. Did I wake you up?”

Buck shakes his head. “Can’t sleep.”

“Me neither.”

After the tsunami, Buck recalls a lot of nightmares. He remembers waking up in a cold sweat, shouting Christopher’s name. There were nights and days he spent awake, replaying the moment in his mind, telling Eddie that he’d lost his son.

He can’t even begin to imagine the sort of nightmares Eddie is fighting right now.

“You should be resting, at least.”

“I’m fine,” Eddie says, but he shifts uneasily on the couch. He’s turned to face Buck, one leg pulled up under him, hands splayed on his knees like he’s bracing for impact.

“You were buried alive,” Buck reminds him.

“I remember,” Eddie says. “And I am fine, Buck. Physically. But… That’s kind of why I’m here.” He takes a breath and Buck feels it, too; that moment of impact, bracing for a collision. He waits for whatever it is Eddie might say.

Silence passes in waves, each second another tsunami hitting Buck again and again. He wants to press for more, but he’s afraid of pushing Eddie too far, pushing him away. He stays quiet.

Eventually Eddie swallows, the knot in his throat bobbing along as he speaks. “Back when I was in Afghanistan, there was an attack. They shot down the helicopter. There was fire and sand everywhere, I was choking on it. And I was trying to save everyone, but I got shot. I was bleeding and I was just thinking about….about everything. About my life.”

He sniffles, wiping a hand across his nose. Buck watches a tear splatter on his jeans, but doesn’t say a word.

“I was so scared,” Eddie admits with trembling lips. “That was the only time really that I thought I might die over there.”

Buck’s brow creases. A few times, in the almost two years that Buck had known him, Eddie talked about serving. Mostly it was about the friends, the _family_ , he had while he was over there. But he’d never heard this story. He wonders why he’s hearing it now, of all times, but he knows Eddie needs to get this out in order to say whatever it is he came here to say.

“I had this picture of Christopher and Shannon. It was taken on his fifth birthday. They were smiling, and Christopher looked so happy. I knew…” Eddie pauses, breathing, to swipe a finger across his lower lip. “I knew that they had each other. If anything happened, if I didn’t come home, I knew that they would be okay because they had each other.”

“But you didn’t die,” Buck says, because he has to say something. He feels the urgency swell to remind both himself and Eddie of this, that he is alive, he’s okay, that he’s here. “You made it home for them.”

Eddie nods. “I knew being a firefighter was dangerous, but last night…”

He trails off and for a long time Buck thinks maybe he won’t even finish. That’s the end of the story, the conversation is over. But Eddie sits up straighter, a look of resolve hardening his features when he finally meets Buck’s eyes. “Last night, I really thought I wouldn’t get out of there. I thought I was gonna die, Buck.”

“What are you saying, Eddie?” Buck asks, because he hates the way this sounds. It was the tone of voice Maddie had used when she explained that she was moving away with Doug. The voice Abby had used before she boarded a plane and never looked back. It was the sound of someone leaving, of being left behind, and Buck was all too familiar with that sound.

The idea of losing Eddie, too…

He saw himself once again, with dirt under his fingernails as he fought to dig Eddie out. 

“Before,” Eddie said, stressing each word, willing Buck to understand, “if anything happened to me, Shannon was there. But she’s dead. I am all Christopher has left. If something happened-- if I hadn’t gotten out of there last night--”

“But you did,” Buck tells him.

Eddie huffs in exasperation. “Will you be quiet for two minutes, Buck? I’m trying to ask you something.”

“It sounds like you’re breaking up with me,” Buck says. And he knows how ridiculous it sounds. It feels ridiculous. There’s nothing between them, nothing tangible at least. Nothing to break but a friendship and a co-workmanship. _Unless…_

“Are you quitting? Because you can’t do that, Eddie. Even Bobby won’t accept a resignation right now. You’re under a lot of stress--”

“Dammit, Buck,” Eddie exclaims. “I’m not resigning. I’m trying to ask you to be Christopher’s godfather!”

The words hang heavy between them and Buck runs them through his head again, then a third time to make sure he’s heard them right. When he’s certain he has, he asks, “What?”

Eddie sighs. “Christopher loves you. You’re my best friend. I told you before, Buck, I trust you more than anyone in the world to take care of him, and I meant that.

“That was for babysitting!” Buck shouts. “For taking care of him for a _few hours_ . Not _raising him_!”

“Look,” Eddie laughs, and Buck immediately feels some of the tension leave his body. “You don’t have to answer right now. And even if you say yes, it’s not like I’m expecting to drop dead tomorrow. It’s just a what if.”

“Pretty morbid what if.”

Eddie tilts his head, studying Buck. “When you became a firefighter, did you draw up a will?”

Buck thinks for a second. “Yeah,” he admits. But it was nothing super serious. It was a formality. A distant safety net for if anything ever happened on the job. But Buck didn’t have anything of value anyway, he just left everything to Maddie; a sick sort of joke that she would deal with all of his baggage, emotional and otherwise, even after he was dead and gone. But this…

This is Eddie asking him to be Christopher’s godfather. His legal guardian if anything should happen to Eddie.

This was very much real.

“You can’t put a kid in a will, Buck,” Eddie says. The force of the words are lessened with a shrug. “This is just my way of making sure Chris is taken care of. If anything ever happens.”

“What about your parents?” Buck asks, and immediately knows he hit a sore spot when Eddie grimaces.

“They love him,” Eddie concedes. “But there’s a reason we left Texas.”

“But--” Buck gapes. “Why not Bobby and Athena? Or Hen? They have actual kids, Eddie. I don’t know the first thing about being a parent. Why me?”

Eddie watches him, his gaze soft and open when he smiles. “You love him, probably as much as I do. The rest you figure out as you go. You think I had any idea what I was doing at first?”

“You had years of practice,” Buck says.

Eddie nods. “And hopefully I’ll have a lot more years left. But if I don’t--”

“Are you sure about this?”

“One hundred percent, Buck.” Eddie leans forward, his hand coming to rest on Buck’s. It’s warm in a way Buck doesn’t look at too closely-- he just allows himself to enjoy it. “I trust you.”

“Yeah,” he says, and then nods with more determination. “Yeah, Eddie. Of course. You know I’d do anything for you and Chris.”

Eddie squeezes his hand once more, but doesn’t pull away. He leaves them there, their hands tangled on Buck’s knee. He grins, “That’s how I know I’m making the right choice. Now scoot over,” he shoves at Buck, kicking his shoes off onto the floor and pulling his legs up onto the couch. “You were right about needing rest. What are you watching?”

Buck lets himself be manhandled into a comfortable position before restarting the show he had picked, but they don’t make it past the opening credits before he hears Eddie snoring peacefully on his shoulder.

He glances down, watching Eddie’s chest rise and fall. He counts the breaths and lets his own breathing fall into the same rhythm. It makes it all the more real, like they’re sharing one set of lungs. He finally falls asleep knowing that Eddie is alive, that he’s safe. That he’s right here, exactly where he’s supposed to be.


End file.
